and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
