soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize