Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
