The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
