**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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