so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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