I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
