sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
