white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
