Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
