I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
