YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's intense
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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