hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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