Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
