at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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