Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
