Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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