So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
