i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
