thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
