the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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