I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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