I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
