I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
