Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
