he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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