I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
