drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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