Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
