just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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