Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i think we sleep fucked last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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