Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
