So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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