You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
