sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
