You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Girls should come with a carfax report
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
