smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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