Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
