Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
