Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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