mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
