You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
