Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
