it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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