I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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