One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
