i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
