Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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