I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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