Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
