MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to sanitize my soul.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
