If that was your dad, he is hot
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
