M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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