I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
