my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
its liver damage thursday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
