Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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