Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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