he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
