everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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