The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
