she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
