i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
