I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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