sarcasm needs its own font
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
