We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
