like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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