Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
