1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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