so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
