thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
