dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
