She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
