Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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