I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
