I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
